The Notebook

“What do you want in a woman?”

I asked him. To be honest I didn’t wait for an answer. I got used to all the silent moments between us since the first day we’ve hooked up. And I didn’t mind if he would lead our story to another directions.

But this time he replied, by the sweetest voice I had ever heard.

“It’s you” – Said he – “Nothing else” .


We had been sitting at the seashore for hours, saying nothing but drinking like thirsty to death. We drank wine. A bottle filled with wine may help a man forget what happening around him. And Wine helped us to forget all the sad things interfering us: my family, his job, my past, his future, our present. I couldn’t go on pretending that everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t. People can come and go, just like wind and wave come from the sea , meeting and saying goodbye at the same time without greetings each other, as a quote someone had said. In my mind it has never been a person who I felt so important and integral to my life as much as him. He was so perfect that made me feel so tiny when standing next to and always looked for a huge protection. With me the concept of being a wife is really tough and I didn’t tend to set him up, to keep him for myself. That’s a selfish thinking … But living far away from the person who I love too much in a deep fear and wake up at midnight in those horrible nightmares, I can’t stand … I just can’t be able to handle  …

–          Just wair for me, wait for three years and I will take you away

–          I can’t. I have my family.

Suddenly I thought of “L’amant” of Duras, a famous French author, whose novel became a strange phenomenon all over the world. I thought of my situation just like the main actress in that novel… Confused between two streams, between family and love, virtue and traditions. But it wasn’t he but me who would follow his shadow til the time he got on the plane, vanish, logically but ruthlessly. Everything would be so dim and damn like that …

Rain kept falling in the roof. Crickets and frogs passed by us, naturally looked around as if we were stones. But nobody cared about it. He huged me as tight as he could and I just let him – like a child – sitting by his woman the last time. Kisses of the first love are always rememerable, specially that was the last time we were together.


“She was breathing for just a second. She was incredibly beautiful as she waited, watching him. She didn’t try to keep dry or hide herself, and he could see outside her breasts as they pressed through the fabric of the dress that clung tightly to her body. She lifted her head off his shoulder, looked at him with hazy eyes, and he kissed her softly on the lips. She brought her hands to his face and touched his cheek, brushing it softly with her fingers. He leaned and kissed her tenderly, and she kissed back, feeling the years of separation dissolve into passion.

She closed her eyes and parted her lips as he ran his fingers up and down her arms, slowly, lightly. He kissed her neck, her cheek, her eyelids, and she felt the moisture of his mouth linger wherever his lips had touched. She took his hands and lead to her breasts, and a whimper rose in her throat as he gently touched them through the thin fabric of the shirt.

The world seemed dreamlike as she pulled back from him, the firelight setting her face aglow. Without speaking, she started to undo the buttons on his shirts. He watched her as she did it and listened to her soft breaths as she made her way downwards. With each button he could feel her finger brushing against his skin, and she smiled softly at him when she finally finished. He felt she slide her hands inside, touching him slightly, exploring his body. She kissed his neck gently as she pulled the shirt over his shoulders, freeing the sleeves. With that, he slowly reached for her. He lifted her shirt and ran his finger slowly across her belly before raising her arms and slipping it off. She felt short of breath as he lowered his head and kissed between her breasts and slowly ran his tongue up to her neck. His hands gently caressed her back, her arms, her shoulders, and she felt their heated bodies pressed together, skin to skin. He kissed her neck and nibbled gently as she lifted her hips and allowed him to pull off her bottoms. She reached for the snap on his jeans, undid it, and watched as he slipped them off as well. It was almost slow motion as their naked bodies finally came together, both of them trembling with the memory of what they had once shared together.

He ran his tongue along her neck while his hands moved over the smooth hot skin of her breasts, down her belly, past her navel, and up again. He was struck by her beauty. Her shimmering hair trapped the light and made it sparkle. Her skin was soft and beautiful, almost glowing in the firelight. He felt her hands on his back, beckoning him.

They lay back, close to the fire, and the heat made the air seem thick. Her back was slightly arched as he rolled atop her in one fluid motion. He was on all fours above her, his knees astride her hips. She lifted her head and kissed his chin and neck, breathing hard, licking his shoulders, and tasting the sweat that lingered on his body. She ran her hands through his hair as he held himself above her, his arm muscles hard from the exertion. With a little tempting frown, she pulled him closer, but he resisted. Instead he lowered himself and lightly rubbed his chest against her, and she felt her body respond with anticipation. He did this slowly, over and over, kissing every part of her body, listening as she made soft, whimpering sounds while he moved above her.

He did this until she couldn’t take it anymore, and when they finally joined as one, she cried aloud and pressed her fingers hard into his back. She buried her face in his neck and felt him deep inside her, felt his strength and gentleness, felt his muscle and his soul. She moved rhythmically against him, allowing him to take her wherever he wanted, to the place she was meant to be.

She opened her eyes and watched him in the firelight, marveling at his beauty as he moved above her. She saw his body glisten with crystal sweat and watched as beads rolled down his chest and fell onto her like the rain outside. And with every drop, with every breath, she felt herself, every responsibility, every facet of her life, slipping away.

Their bodies reflected everything given, everything taken, and she was rewarded with a sensation she never knew existed. It went on and on, tingling throughout her body and warming her before finally subsiding and she struggled to catch her breath while she trembled beneath him. But the moment it was over, another one started to build again, and she started to feel them in long sequences, one right after the next. By the time the rain had stopped and the sun had set, her body was exhausted but unwilling to stop the pleasure between them.”

She never planned to be a woman – but now She Is.


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